10 Unintentionally Hilarious Moments in "The Wicker Man" (2006) - (possible spoilers)

(in no particular order)

[b]1.[/b] Edward dreams about pulling the dead girl out of the water, wakes up, looks down and sees that he's holding the dead girl in his arms, screams, wakes up again and sees that he was dreaming about holding the girl, then yells "Oh, Goddamnit!"

[b]2.[/b] Sister Summersisle: Welcome, Mr. Malus. You have come of your own free will to keep your appointment with the Wicker Man.
Edward Malus: BITCHES! YOU BITCHES!

[b]3.[/b] Edward Malus: Oh no, not the bees! Not the bees! Ahhhhhh! All over my eyes! Eyes! Blaaaarghhh!

[b]4.[/b] Edward Malus: Is this hers? How'd it get burned? How'd it get burned? HOW'D IT GET BURNED, HOW'D IT GET BURNED?

[b]5.[/b] Edward repeatedly sees the little girl he failed to save in the beginning of the movie standing at the boat railing, followed by a semi-truck zoom past on the boat and plow her over.

[b]6.[/b] Edward Malus: STEP AWAY FROM THE BIKE! (yelled at the top of his lungs after pulling a gun on the woman who won't step away from her bike)

[b]7.[/b] During a 5-10 min stretch Edward sucker punches two women in the face and severely beats a third (Leelee Sobieski's character), in three successive scenes. The last sucker punch occurs when he runs up to a woman while wearing a bear costume.

[b]8.[/b] Edward Malus: THIS IS MURDER! MURDER! YOU'LL ALL BE GUILTY, AND YOU'RE DOING IT FOR NOTHING! KILLING ME WON'T BRING BACK YOUR GODDAMN HONEY!

[b]9.[/b] The teacher asks her class full of girls what man represents in his purest form, and they begin chanting excitedly "Phallic symbol! Phallic symbol!"

[b]10.[/b] While dressed in the bear costume, his face is clearly visible through the black mesh, making it obvious a 6ft tall man was trying to blend in with the other women.

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Who's gonna save us? MacGyver, of course

Eighties television icon MacGyver has beaten Indiana Jones, James Bond and Jack Bauer as the fictional hero most Americans would want by their side in the event of a disaster.

In the survey, commissioned by the McCormick Tribune Foundation, participants were given a choice among seven fictional heroes for help in an emergency.

Twenty seven per cent of respondents said they would want MacGyver to help them out should disaster strike.

The ingenious secret agent, played by Richard Dean Anderson, became a household name in the 1980s with his ability to get out of life-or-death situations using everyday items. Among his many exploits he plugged an acid leak with chocolate, blew open doors with bombs made of chewing gum and patched a hot-air balloon using duct tape and a map.

Don Cooke, the McCormick Tribune Foundation's senior vice president for philanthropy, told the Associated Press he was delighted that MacGyver was voted number one hero.

"I love MacGyver. You could give him a sock and a piece of string and he could somehow create electricity for the whole city," he said.

MacGyver was followed by Indiana Jones played by Harrison Ford (16 per cent); John McClane, played by Bruce Willis in the Die Hard films (14 per cent); James Bond (played by various actors) and Jason Bourne, played by Matt Damon, (8 per cent each); and Lara Croft played by Angelina Jolie in Tomb Raider and Jack Bauer of 24, played by Kiefer Sutherland (7 per cent each).

You Might Be a Redneck If...

Local lawyer suspected in drunken Labor Day shooting

It sounds like a bad Jeff Foxworthy joke. A drunk, middle-aged man unloads his handgun in his backyard, hitting a passing truck, and then tries to punch a cop in the balls after the law comes knocking. Only the suspect in this case isn't your typical redneck. He's Martin LeNoir, one of the top defense attorneys in Dallas.

On Labor Day at around 4:40 p.m., Bob Kennedy was driving his truck on Sperry Street in Lakewood when his driver's side window shattered. The glass fell on his lap. He heard a gunshot and feared someone was shooting at him. Kennedy was heading to nearby Scalini's to pick up a pizza.

"I don't know how I didn't get hit," Kennedy says. "It was amazing."

After his truck was struck, Kennedy sped a few blocks to the intersection of Sperry and Wendover Road and dialed 911. There he warned motorists and pedestrians not to head down Sperry because it would take them straight into gangster's paradise. Or something like that.

When the police arrived, they found glass on the street and a spent round from 9 mm handgun. They talked to witnesses who also heard the unusual sound of gunshots ringing through their upper-class neighborhood. Then right across the street, the police saw holes in the backyard fence of a McMansion on Sperry and Northridge Drive. They knocked on the door and asked if they could search the house. When they were let into the backyard, the officers immediately saw evidence that incriminated the suspect. (The police report doesn't specify what it was they found.) According to the report, the "suspect," whom police won't name because they say he hasn't yet been charged, became belligerent and attempted to punch an officer in the groin. The officer sidestepped the jab and handcuffed his would-be assailant. The report notes that the suspect was intoxicated, which doesn't come as much of a surprise.

The police are still investigating the shooting, but Jan Easterling, who oversees the Dallas Police Department's Northeast Division, says that the police will likely charge LeNoir with deadly conduct and assault, a class B and class C misdemeanor respectively. The department is conducting ballistics tests on the handgun in question to determine if it fired the bullets recovered at the scene.

The officers who arrived at the house decided not to arrest the man because he looked ill. Instead, he was brought to Baylor Medical Center where medical personnel discovered he had dangerously low blood pressure. Easterling says that the Lakewood suspect "did not receive any preferential treatment."

"We see a lot of different people who are intoxicated, but sometimes you see something that causes an officer concern for whatever reason," Easterling says. "We don't want to put them in any danger he1alth-wise, and obviously we made the right call here."

Still, the police officers' treatment of LeNoir certainly seems milder than you might expect considering that he allegedly shot off his handgun in his backyard before swinging at a cop. But the department's brass insists that LeNoir wasn't treated any differently because he's a prominent lawyer.

"I've never heard of him, so I'm certain they haven't," says Lieutenant Vernon Hale, a spokesman with the department. "We don't keep up with defense attorneys."

While police aren't identifying him yet, LeNoir's address is listed on one of the police reports, and a friend of his concedes that he's the one who fired the errant shots. LeNoir lives in a house appraised at $574,000 on property tax rolls, right at the intersection of Sperry and Northridge, where the shooting took place, and three days after the incident, bullet holes are visible in his backyard fence. In addition, KTVT-Channel 11, which ran a brief report of the Labor Day shooting, identified LeNoir as the suspect. LeNoir did not return repeated calls from the Dallas Observer.

Kennedy says that he heard over the police radio that when LeNoir answered the door for the cops, he was naked. That revealing information is not included in the police report. Kennedy adds that he spoke to attorney Nancy Mulder, a friend of LeNoir's who lives down the street. Mulder, a former prosecutor, tried to help LeNoir after she arrived. Mulder also told Kennedy that LeNoir is under a lot of personal stress, stemming from the end of a relationship.

"This guy obviously has big-time problems," Kennedy says. "What he did was wrong, but he wasn't trying to hurt me."

Kennedy isn't sure how many bullets struck his truck, although there is a sharp hole in his rear passenger side window. Kennedy says that a police officer explained to him that the bullet that took out his driver's side window probably came through the rear of the truck and sailed over his shoulder.

A former prosecutor for Dallas District Attorney Henry Wade, LeNoir is one of the most respected lawyers in the city. For D magazine's "Best Lawyers" issue, LeNoir served on a panel of prominent attorneys to evaluate the magazine's list. He's also been featured as a Texas Monthly "Super Lawyer." Local defense attorneys, quick to praise LeNoir for winning tough cases, were stunned at the reports that their colleague was involved in a drunken shooting.

"I've never heard him raise a hand to anybody or even raised his voice to anybody," says George R. Milner, who has known LeNoir for 15 years. "Violence doesn't seem to be a part of his character."

Still, other attorneys hint that LeNoir sometimes fits into the work hard, play hard culture of their profession.

"He's a smart, extremely capable attorney," says defense lawyer Ed Gray, another former prosecutor in Wade's office. "But all of us are capable of doing some unwise things when we drink too much."

On his Web site, LeNoir boasts of his effectiveness. "Martin LeNoir has had particular success in representing citizens where criminal problems arise from drug or alcohol abuse or addiction," he writes. Let's hope he doesn't represent himself.

Humberto Upgraded to Hurricane

T.S. Humberto Moving North-Northeast at 6 MPH with 65 MPH Winds

HOUSTON -- A tropical storm approaching the southeast Texas coast has been upgraded to a hurricane shortly before it was expected make landfall.

Houston is expected to escape the worst of Tropical Storm Humberto as it moved closer to the southeast corner of Texas, National Weather Service forecasters said early Thursday.

Forecaster with the National Weather Service are expecting Humberto to come ashore between High Island and Sabine Pass early Thursday morning.

Harris County officials deactivated their command center and canceled a news conference scheduled for 5 a.m. Thursday at about 9:30 p.m. Wednesday.

The decision came after the National Weather Service forecast Houston's chances of experiencing a severe rain threat had diminished.

"The National Weather Service is one of our key partners for events like this. They have downgraded the threat to Harris County ... which means our bayous should be fine and we shouldn't have any significant flooding here," Harris County Emergency Management spokesman Francisco Sanchez told FOX 26 News.

As of 10 p.m. Wednesday, NWS forecasted less than 1 inch of rain for Harris County and less than 2 inches in isolated areas of the county's southeastern section.

A tropical storm warning for Harris, Brazoria, Fort Bend and Matagorda counties have been canceled as a result. Humberto is expected to move more to the east than originally forecast and is not expected to affect these counties.

Transtar, Harris County's emergency management facility, is a 24-hour operation and will monitor the storm through the night.

"(The storm) is still a concern for folks and (everyone) should check with the media in the morning to see what the conditions. Humberto poppoed up pretty quickly and seems to have downgraded pretty quickly," Sanchez said.

Warnings Issued As Humberto Heads Toward Coast

Rain bands from Humberto were spreading over the Texas coast by Wednesday night and forecasters warned residents along a 270-mile stretch of the coastline extending from southwest of the Houston/Galveston area into southwestern Louisiana to brace for heavy rains and possible flooding.

VIDEO: FOX 26 Team Coverage: T.S. Humberto

Coastal county leaders discussed the situation during a 4 p.m. conference call.

Galveston Mayor Lyda Ann Thomas and other officials who took part in that call told FOX 26 News that no evacuations have been ordered and that while residents should be concerned about Humberto, emergency officials do not feel it is something anyone should panic over.

Galveston Emergency Management officials expect 65 mph winds and hit-and-miss flooding along the coast. Tides are expected to be between 4 and 5 feet above normal.

Residents on the city's West End are being told to not drive on F.M. 3005 because of the road's potential to flood. Officials suggest using Stewart Road, which runs parallel to F.M. 3005 at a higher elevation.

Humberto is the eighth named storm this year and formed from a depression that developed Wednesday morning. A depression becomes a named tropical storm when its sustained winds reach 39 mph and a hurricane when those winds reach 74 mph.

Another tropical depression also formed Wednesday far in the open Atlantic, about 1,065 miles east of the Lesser Antilles. It had maximum sustained winds near 35 mph and was moving west-northwest at about 12 mph. Forecasters said it could become a tropical storm later Wednesday.
Tropical Storm Warnings Posted Along Texas Coast

Tropical storm warnings were posted from Port O'Connor to Intracoastal City, La., with the center of Humberto predicted to slosh ashore Wednesday night or early Thursday, probably in the Freeport or Galveston areas, south of Houston.

The storm was expected to track south and east of Houston, then veer to the northeast into Louisiana through Thursday. Heaviest rain was expected along and to the east of the storm track.

By Wednesday evening, Humberto was packing nearly 65 mph winds. The storm was centered about 25 miles south-southeast of Galveston and about 45 miles south-southwest of High Island, moving to the north-northeast at 6 mph.

"This obviously isn't an evacuation event or hurricane," John Simsen, emergency coordinator for Galveston County, said. "It's too close to be in a position where it's going to develop that much. However, it looks to be a prolonged rain event and some pretty substantial tropical storm-force winds."

Texas has had one of the wettest summers on record, with Houston soaked under the most rain it's had in a summer since 1942. With the ground already saturated, flooding was likely.

Forecasters were anticipating 5 to 10 inches of rain with some spots possibly getting as much as 15 inches.

Brazoria County Sheriff Charles Wagner said low-lying areas in his coastal county, which includes Freeport, could present problems for residents and "put water into a lot of houses."

Pasadena Opens Shelter

The Salvation Army has opened a shelter at the Pasadena Corps Community Center, located at 2732 Cherrybrook Lane in Pasadena.

The facility will be open all night to accommodate anyone seeking shelter. Cots and sleeping bags and snacks will be available to people who seek refuge at the shelter.

Carnival Cruises Asks Passengers To Delay Arrival

Carnival Cruise Lines is asking passengers scheduled to depart Thursday on the Ecstasy cruise ship out of Galveston to delay their arrival at the cruise terminal by two hours.

Ecstasy is expected to dock a few hours later than normal because of the tropical storm.

The four-day voyage to Mexico is expected to depart at 6 p.m., rather than its original scheduled time of 4 p.m.

VA Medical Center Cancels Outpatient Appointments

The Michael E. DeBakey VA Medical Center has canceled all outpatient clinic appointments and elective procedures in Houston, Galveston, Texas City and Beaumont on Thursday.

The Charles Wilson VA Outpatient Clinic in Lufkin and the Conroe VA Outpatient Clinic will remain operational, however no van or bus service will be available to the MEDVAMC.

The MEDVAMC and Emergency Room will remain open. All outpatient clinics will be closed and appointments rescheduled at a later date.

Perry Puts Emergency Officials on Standby

In Austin, Gov. Rick Perry activated 50 high-profile military vehicles with 200 soldiers, plus a half-dozen helicopters and two swift-water teams, boats and personnel from the state's Parks and Wildlife Department, the General Land Office and a team from the Texas Forest Service. Other crews from the U.S. Coast Guard were on standby.

"Some areas of our state remain saturated by summer floods, and many communities in this storm's projected path are at high risk of dangerous flash flooding," Perry said.

At least six military teams from Austin with high-water vehicles were being positioned at an armory in LaMarque for possible deployment, Simsen said.

"We're doing what we do," he said.

La. Governor Declares State of Emergency

In Louisiana, Gov. Kathleen Blanco delcared a state of emergency as Humberto approached. Calcasieu and Vermilion parishes had shelters on standby. Vermilion also was making sandbags and sand available, said Mark Smith, a spokesman for the Governor's Office of Homeland Security and Emergency Preparedness.

The tropical storm warning included Cameron Parish, which was devastated by Hurricane Rita in September 2005. Some 580 federally issued travel trailers and mobile homes remain occupied in the area, leaving officials concerned about the rainfall.

Tropical Storms Can Be Worse Than Hurricanes

Tropical storms typically are significant rainmakers.

Last month, at least six deaths were blamed on Tropical Storm Erin, which dropped nearly a foot of rain in parts of San Antonio, Houston and the Texas Hill Country.

In 2001, slow-moving Tropical Storm Allison soaked Houston, dumping about 20 inches of rain in eight hours. Some two dozen people died, sections of the city were paralyzed and damage was estimated at some $5 billion.

Just last Saturday, Galveston marked the 107th anniversary of the great 1900 storm where more than 6,000 people were killed in what remains the nation's deadliest natural disaster.

"Be prepared for any kind of serious weather threat is what we ask our people all year long," Galveston Mayor Lyda Ann Thomas said. "And I believe they have done that and are continuing to do that."

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ICE: Tab to remove illegal residents would approach $100 billion

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- It would cost at least $94 billion to find, detain and remove all 12 million people believed to be staying illegally in the United States, the federal government estimated Wednesday.

Julie Myers, the head of Immigration and Customs Enforcement, gave the figure during a hearing before a Senate committee Wednesday.

She acknowledged it was based on "very rough calculations."

An ICE spokesman later said the $94 billion did not include the cost of finding illegal immigrants, nor court costs -- dollar amounts that are largely unknowable.

He said the amount was calculated by multiplying the estimated 12 million people by the average cost of detaining people for a day: $97. That was multiplied by the average length of detention: 32 days.

ICE officials also considered transportation costs, which average $1,000 per person.

But that amount can vary widely, the spokesman said. Some deportees are simply driven by bus across the border, while others must take charter planes to distant countries, he said.

Finally, the department looked at personnel costs, bringing the total to roughly $94 billion.

The statistic is likely to become one more piece of fodder in the heated debate between the Bush administration -- which has fought for a "path to citizenship" for people who have lived peaceably in the United States -- and those who want to see more aggressive enforcement of immigration laws, up to, and including, the deportation of all illegal immigrants.